It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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