She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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