just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
