i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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