i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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