some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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