I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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