So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
