I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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