I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need water and some morals
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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