Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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