I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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