Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
