Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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