I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize