you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Welp...herpes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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