There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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