I wish I could teleport
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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