I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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