I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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