My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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