you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
