You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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