i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
