The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize