Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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