I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
