you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
