Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
