where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
