you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
