Say something about gay babies.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
