Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
