Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
