Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just threw up on my dentist
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
