wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
