There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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