you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
