So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
