No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
