I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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