Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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