I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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