I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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