Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
there is glitter all over my balls
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
