Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
