Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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