I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
God, I missed his penis.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
