Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
