so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
