every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
