i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
