new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
