I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
