So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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