I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
