Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
