I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
