So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
