Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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