Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
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They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.