I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard