she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dicks are not precious.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.