if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.