Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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