Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
