I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
