I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
